How to write a eulogy
Writing a eulogy is one of the most personal, heartfelt ways you can honour someone who has died. Whether you’re speaking at a funeral, memorial service or celebration of life, it can be a moving tribute to their story, their character and the impact they had on others.
That said, finding the right words during such an emotional time can feel overwhelming. You may be wondering where to begin, what to include and how to deliver it without breaking down. This guide provides some practical steps to gently support you through the process.
Getting started
If you’re not sure where to begin, start by sitting down with close friends or family. Share stories, reflect on favourite moments, and talk about what made your loved one or friend unique. Jot down anything that stands out, particular memories, sayings, quirks or achievements. At Bowra & O’Dea, we’ve supported many families through this process and know that speaking from the heart always matters more than being perfect.
Structuring your eulogy
There’s no strict formula for writing a eulogy, but many people find it helpful to follow a loose structure:
- Introduce yourself
Begin by saying who you are and how you knew the person. It helps give context for those who may not know you personally. - Paint a picture of their character
Share a few of the traits that stood out most – kindness, humour, determination, generosity. This sets the tone and gives people a framework for what comes next. - Share a chapter or two of their life story
You don’t need to list every detail. Focus instead on the chapters that meant the most. This could include their early life, family relationships, passions, career or community involvement. Try to bring it to life with anecdotes rather than a timeline of facts. - Include stories and memories
Whether heartfelt, funny or quietly powerful, these are often the parts people remember most. A personal story that captures who they were can resonate deeply with others in the room. - Use a quote or poem
If there’s a poem, song lyric or quote that reminds you of them, or one they loved themselves, it can be a meaningful way to close your tribute. - End on a reflective note
You might want to share a lesson you’ve learned from their life or something you’ll carry forward in their memory. Keep it gentle and honest.
Writing tips
- Speak from the heart:
Try to write as if you’re speaking to a friend. Don’t worry about making it perfect – sincerity matters more than polish. - Be selective:
It’s tempting to include everything, but the most powerful eulogies often focus on just a few key qualities or stories. - Keep it brief:
Aim for around 5 minutes. It’s enough time to share something meaningful without losing the audience’s attention. - Don’t be afraid of humour:
A eulogy doesn’t have to be sad or formal, the best speeches will use a tone that reflects the personality of the deceased. Don’t be afraid to add humour if you think it’s appropriate, just make sure it won’t offend anybody.
Delivering the eulogy
For most people, speaking at a funeral is emotionally challenging. Here are some things to help make it a little easier:
- Practise beforehand: Read it out loud several times. You don’t need to memorise it, but the more familiar you are, the easier it’ll be to stay composed.
- Speak slowly and clearly: Take your time. Breathe deeply before you start and pause whenever you need to.
- Allow yourself to feel: If you get emotional, that’s completely okay. Take a sip of water, pause and carry on when you’re ready.
- Ask for help if you need it: If you’re worried you may not be able to finish, arrange for someone else to be there as a backup reader.
A final word
There’s no ‘right’ way to write a eulogy. It’s not about covering every detail of a person’s life or being the most eloquent speaker. It’s about speaking truthfully, from the heart, in a way that honours the person you’ve lost. In doing so, you help others to remember, to smile through their tears, and to celebrate a life that mattered deeply. And remember, if you’d like support or reassurance, the team at Bowra & O’Dea is always here to help guide you.
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Help when you need it
At Bowra & O’Dea, we believe caring for people goes beyond the funeral service. We offer grief support resources and can connect you with counsellors and community organisations that specialise in bereavement care.
